i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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