I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
