he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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