I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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