I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
