I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
