Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
