There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
