pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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