I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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