Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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