I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
