i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
