Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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