just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
