Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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