..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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