Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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