Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
