So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I party with great urgency now.
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