If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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