I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
where are my eyebrows?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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