I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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