Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
