I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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