Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
