Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
