i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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