can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize