I bet he comes in French.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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