Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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