I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
