Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
