how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize