the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
