Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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