Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm determined to sit on that face.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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