Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize