I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
