you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
