Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
