dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
