So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
