I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
