the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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