this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
