Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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