Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't put those talents on a resume
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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