I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Drunk is not a location!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
