I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
