after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize