So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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