I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
another moral hangover. fuck.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
