trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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