I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
