STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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