Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
