On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
