I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Randomize
