Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
