Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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