I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
