I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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