its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
