her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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