He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
