Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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