just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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